Crying For Your Life

by Julie M. Simons, LCSW

Crying is part of what makes us human - we are the only creature that actually cries with tears. And most people are afraid of it - maybe more than any other emotion. It seems to be associated with giving up control, giving in to our bodies and letting down into our feelings. This goes against our cultural expectation to keep our chin up; to suck it up and keep moving forward. Especially for men, crying can also be associated with weakness. I often see people apologize with embarrassment for crying. But if we don't allow ourselves to feel our despair, we spend our energy struggling to stay up without any sense of security and without accepting the reality of our past and present. Without tears, we cannot feel our sorrow, and if that is blocked, so is our joy.

There is a distinction to be made between tears and sobbing. Sobs are convulsions that run through the body and are the only kind of crying that can release pain and tension, according to Bioenergetics. The muscles affected by the act of or holding back of crying are the mouth, thoat, chest and abdomen. Crying is said to protect the heart, and clear the sinuses. Lowen says that men who cry actually live longer. Tears also release tension in the eyes, which can become frozen with fear, contracted by pain or dulled by sorrow. "The flow of tears is a melting ...process like the thawing of ice...eyes that do not cry become hard, brittle and dry," Lowen states.
A good cry will not only release physical and emotional tension, but will deepen your breathing. People often think that crying does no good. It's true it won't change the outside world, but it can shift your inner world by releasing tension and pain, improving circulation, allowing space for compassion, and keeping us flexible in our emotions and our bodies. Our challenge is to be able to honor our tears and cry freely and easily.

Try This At Home: Giving In To The Tears

This technique is very simple. You are going to lie on the edge of your bed or over the back or armrest of your couch. If you use the bed, be sure your knees are bent and your feet are flat on the bed throughout the exercise. Your body from your upper middle back up should be suspended backward off the bed or couch. For women, it is the area of the bra strap in the back. Once you are in the correct position, begin to make an "ahhh" sound as you breath out. You want to sustain the sound aslong as possible. Use every effort to continue the sound until there is no more breath left in your lungs. This involves forcing the expiration, and you may find yourself making a choking or coughing sound at the very end. After several breaths, the control begins to break down and you might begin to hear the sound of a cry, a moan or a note of agony. Repeating this, listening to your sound, will often induce crying.

Food For Thought

“When patients tell me they have cried enough, I point out that crying is like the rain from Heaven which fecundates the earth. Should we ever say, 'Enough rain, we don't need anymore?' We may not need a deluge, but we certainly need a gentle rain regularly to keep our planet green and our souls clean.”
Alexander Lowen,Founder of Bioenergetics